Week 6 Story: Whit Saves Lives
Once upon a time lived a magical forest that was ruled by a great king. The king had three daughters who loved to play in the forest.
One day, the daughters were walking to there favorite spot when they noticed an unusual red bird that was as big as the youngest daughter. The girls had seen numerous birds in this forest before, but none so fiery red and large before.
They were terrified! However, the bird was fast asleep on a branch of the tree, so the eldest daughter quietly led the girls out of the forest and back to the castle.
When they got back, the girls ran screaming to their father, the king, "Papa! Papa! There is a bird as red as blood and as big as Ella [the youngest girl]! He was invading our favorite play spot. Oh, Papa, we are so scared! Please do something so that we may return to our play!"
The king loved his daughters very much, so he sent his guards after the giant red bird. After a couple days, the guards returned to the castle with the bird held captive.
The king asked the girls if this was the same bird they found in the forest. They trembled and nodded, making sure to keep a large distance between them and the terrifying bird.
The king then ordered for this bird to be killed at once. The guards asked how they should kill it. One by one, each guard came up with a creative way to execute this bird. It was only after a guard suggested burning the bird alive did it speak up.
"Oh, no! Please have mercy! That is the worst punishment imaginable for a bird like me! Please, do not burn me alive!"
The guards smiled at each other and took the bird out to the fire pit in the forest. The flames ate away at the bird until only his ashes were left. Satisfied, the guards went back to the castle, laughing at the stupid bird who dug his own grave.
Later that night, the red bird rose from the ashes, reborn. For it was a phoenix they has caught and burned. And it was the phoenix who had the last laugh, for he wouldn't be killed by fire, but reborn.
Hi Libby! You started and finished this story so strongly! Your use of descriptive words is wonderful, and the beginning was captivating because you used words like "numerous" and "fiery." At the end, you did a wonderful job of explaining the phoenix and making the reader feel its pain. The last line is powerful, and I would love to read more like that!! I have not read the original story, so I think some more details regarding character names and a specific setting would increase the reader's connection to the story. I am curious to see what would have happened if the guards merely had mercy on the bird, and they never figured out it was a phoenix by attempting to burn it. It is cruel they wanted to burn it alive, although I guess the girls were terrified of it and the king was just trying to protect his daughters :(
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ReplyDeleteI loved the story arch. It was interesting how you described the bird in the girl's words. They were terrified and the bird was nothing but ugly. However, in the end the bird turns out beautiful because they were saying those words out of fear not out of hate. I think that the descriptions made the story stronger. I wonder what would have happened if there had been a continuance on the story. I know that the bird had been reborn, but what was he to do now. He could not return to his tree and he does not seem like the type to go for revenge. I would love to hear how the resolution continued along the story line. I wish that there was a character that would stand up for the bird. I realize that is not how the original author wrote it and for that I completely understand. But, all of the characters were content to watch the bird burn to death. It would have made a completely different story and a lot more character development.
Hi Libby! This week I am trying out the WWW comment feedback strategy. The name of your story as well as the image gave me the initial push to click on your story. I was wondering if that bird was a phoenix! It was cool that it turned out to be. Let me start with wow! This was a great adaptation from the original folk tale. I think the phoenix fits perfectly instead of the turtle--maybe even better with how they react to fire. I loved the imagery of that scene from your story; it was very clever too. I wonder why the girls reacted so strongly to the bird? It makes sense that something that big would scare them, but the bird definitely seemed like the protagonist to me. From my knowledge of phoenixes (Harry Potter), they seem helpful, intelligent and friendly. Of course, the girls wouldn't know this. What if you had an adaptation of the story where the girls could see these qualities of the bird after it was reborn? It would have a happy ending, and also the girls could be educated and I feel like there could be a moral lesson as well. This could work if you needed to write a longer story for your project! Great story overall!
ReplyDeleteHI Libby! I really liked this story and really enjoyed reading it I think you did a fantastic job. I was very impressed at first with the sisters. I think that it is so awesome that you did the gender bend and it really made it more fun for me to read. I also really like how you changed it to a phenix and had it rise from the ashes. It honestly felt like that this was the story that was meant to be told and shared and written. I wonder if you could have had a point where the phenix tried to help the kids but instead they thought that he was a monster. you really did an amazing job and made it very interesting to read. I like phenix and the characters in the story are able to gain so much sympathy and be so like-able in the story.
ReplyDeleteLibby, this is an incredible story! I loved how much detail you put in your writing and how many adjectives you use to describe the characters, especially the Phoenix. I like how you introduced the bird into the story using the little girls to find it. Imagine what the Phoenix thought of the girls when it saw them for the first time. I wonder if it was scared or maybe even happy to see them so that it could possibly turn into a Phoenix again. i think that would be a great add on to this story, the bird's point of view and thoughts about the whole situation and whether it was his plan to be captured and eventually set a blaze to be reborn. This story has so much promise for different ways you could add on to it. Really good job here, and I look forward to reading more from you!
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